Recent days

I have been busy these recent days; I couldn't even open my blog to see what is going on; now that I'm not that much busy, I have a lot of subjects in my brain to write about; every subject must be written once it came; after days, it will be outdated.

I was making a weblog for a friend. He has been a good friend of mine back home who made a very lovely album for me full of my friends' notes and pictures when I left Iran 18 months ago to Sweden. The album is the sweetest gift I have ever received, and it's like my holy bible which whenever I feel weak and low self-confident, I go directly to it to review the nice sentences that my friends wrote about me, and become as strong as possible :)
This friend came to Canada last week, and I was thinking how I can do something for him when I am this much far. I thought that I can make a community in Orkut, and let his friends to make notes for him, but the problem was that the Orkut is blocked in Iran. Finally, his brother came up with a genius idea of making a blog for him. Then, I start to make it. His brother and his close friend have been responsible for finding his friends, and I was responsible to type or add the notes and pictures in blog. I think the result was very nice. I liked it although all the time I had this bad feeling bothering me that he is not gonna appreciate it that much. I don't know why. Maybe because I was thinking that the idea was a stolen idea of him, but everybody knows that wherever the idea came from, it doesn't matter; the result is gonna be so sweet; cause it's about friends and friendship.

I don't like to travel alone. Alright, if nobody wants to accompany, at least buy me a laptop, then I promise I wouldn't feel any pain when the flight has 3 hours delay. Actually, I like a Laptop better than you as my company. Now, listen to my sister's version. I like to travel alone. Alright, if you want to go with me, that's ok, but at least don't make me to carry my laptop in a long trip. I can not walk around because It's heavy; I can not sleep because this damn laptop might be stolen. It's obvious that we are from the same family.

I missed seeing buildings and traffics and people. Now, that I'm in a city as big as home city, I feel regret to live in a village.

I saw my sister's boyfriend for the first time. He is a tall, smart, extremely funny Russian guy who pronounces most of the "TH" as "Z". I liked him. I was always wondering how my sister feels about my boyfriend. Now, I can imagine that how much she could like him. It's very nice to see loving couple and even more nice when one of them is your dear. I felt very close to him, like I know him for a long time. I can trust him, like him and enjoy being with him as well. It's easy.

I enjoyed seeing my Badminton playing partners when they all had their green name-sewn Christmas gift T-shirt on in the last game of 2005. I liked them, but it was sad for me that I knew this is my closest distance to them, and it's the end for me and them. Friendship is sometimes so hard. There are some people that you can not get close to them whatever you do, and you clearly see that the friendship has no depth, no cares running around. There are simple needs that keep you close to them, and you will lose them instantly when the need is gone.

I missed my friends' weblogs.

Swindling

I planned to go to Toronto for Christmas holidays. For the first time in my life I programmed my trip 2 months sooner to get better fare. I went to an agency mid October to buy the ticket.
She checked all the possibilities, and she gave me Three prices which was 520$, 480$ and 430$ which was in 21 December. I wished to go to Toronto a little later like 23th, but I chose the last one because of the price. I was completely happy with my ticket.
Why I went to agency? I didn't have credit card on that time. Why I didn't ask friends? I don't know.

Today, a friend checked the fares for that date. There is a direct flight to Toronto 80$ less than my ticket which has stop on Halifax. Then, we discovered that 30$ is the difference between flights and travel agency has charged me 50$ which is about 12% of the ticket price.

This is a combination of my stupidity and their charlatan(ity). I'm not stingy or maybe I am, but I always feel very angry when I could reduce my expenses somehow, but I didn't for some reasons.

I think they should have told me that they are extra charging me. They just said that the price is 430$ they didn't mention 50 bucks is because you don't have credit card. Normally, they are supposed to give the costumer the details of the costs before getting money. It is the last time I went there, and I do my best to guide people around me not go there. A business which can keep any costumer just for once shall not survive long.

Values with no demander(Part 2)

Theory
Sex is allowed once you fall in love with someone, and it is a void behavior without love even for people who are just married, and still don't have feelings for each other, the same way prostitution is(this kind of marriage is still common in Iran even for educated but drowned-in-traditions group of people).
Contradicting examples
1) I had been loving someone who I could not think of having sex with. The thing is that he was made for something else. He was very pleasant to be with, anywhere, anytime. It would be a happy life resting beside him until eternity. In the end, I convinced myself that it was not love; it was just a nice friendly feeling, and I let it go.
2) There was a guy who I can say was just a friend for particular selfish reasons. I didn't even care about him that much. He was the kind of friend that I was sure I'd be in contact with as long as I needed him. He surely did feel the same, yet I noticed that sometimes I have felt a strong sexual attraction to him. Well, where does this feeling come from? Is it possible to make love, when there is no love? It is a shame. In the end, I even avoid the advantage of having him as a friend cause I cannot stop this crazy thought of mine. I keep my distance faaar ...
Conclusion
Both items made me think that maybe there is no relation between love and sex. Why do I force myself to combine them together to make the latter legitimate?
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Values with no demander(Part 1)

Background
Me, like lots of Iranian girls affected (infected) by culture, society or religion, think about sex as an embarrassing, so private, spiritual, holy and altra romantic phenomenon. Besides our religious law book, we do have lots of other rules and restrictions in our brain about this simple subject. Should I explain my feeling, my beliefs and my status regarding sex to my foreign boyfriend, I would rather stay single forever.
Problem
The new version of my own law book is out now, but I'm still thinking about changing some verses cause even I can not explain and support my own rules. I'm completely confused. What should be my strategy? What is right, and what is wrong? I'm 25, and I still don't know which side I'm in. This is sad.
Solution
It seems that I should give up on my unsupported opinion, and confess that I fought for something that now turns to be a disease instead of a valuable belief. It's a pain.

Chameleon

Chameleon

You must have been a chameleon in your previous life. How could possibly one change his color this much?

Look at him; He is so look like you: frightened, hidden, tractable, bent, almost nothing.

Hongbin

He is my roommate.
He always smiles.
He is very generous.
He is Kind.
He is polite.
He never comes to my room.
He is a good companion.
He plays good badminton, and he is calm when I'm his messing-up partner.
He never complains.
He cooks well.
He always let me choose the TV channel.
He listens to me.
He remembers what I like him to remember.
He is an easy-to-share-with person.
He is handsome.
I like him when he talks with his parents at night.
He is a nice kid.
His future wife is a lucky girl.
I go to school everyday; He doesn't keep any part of my brain busy, but at the end of the day I'm happy to go home to see him, chat a little bit and relax. What else can one wish for her roommate to be?
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Sometimes, I think that having feelings for someone destroys your time and work efficiency and all the things that are about your personal life. In fact, When you start to love someone you start to sacrifice your independence to keep your love. It seems impossible to avoid this consequence. Maybe It's better to give up dreaming about Love and start living based on logic not feelings. I wish I'm wrong cause I experienced being a superwoman with the strength of love that didn't last long.

Encouragement

Yesterday, I received a personal Email from my English teacher. She just sent an Email to let me know that I've got the best mark in the exam, and she is proud of me.
This course doesn't have any credit; it is just fail-pass course, and even I didn't need to pass it because I was attending voluntarily. The result definitely didn't have any importance; however, the Email was so sweet. It doesn't matter how old are you, a little girl or a lady; in which level you are studying, Pre-school or graduate school; how important is the course,nil or high; in all cases an encouragement keeps you alive and gives you joyfulness.