Values with no demander(Part 1)
Background
Me, like lots of Iranian girls affected (infected) by culture, society or religion, think about sex as an embarrassing, so private, spiritual, holy and altra romantic phenomenon. Besides our religious law book, we do have lots of other rules and restrictions in our brain about this simple subject. Should I explain my feeling, my beliefs and my status regarding sex to my foreign boyfriend, I would rather stay single forever.
Problem
The new version of my own law book is out now, but I'm still thinking about changing some verses cause even I can not explain and support my own rules. I'm completely confused. What should be my strategy? What is right, and what is wrong? I'm 25, and I still don't know which side I'm in. This is sad.
Solution
It seems that I should give up on my unsupported opinion, and confess that I fought for something that now turns to be a disease instead of a valuable belief. It's a pain.
Me, like lots of Iranian girls affected (infected) by culture, society or religion, think about sex as an embarrassing, so private, spiritual, holy and altra romantic phenomenon. Besides our religious law book, we do have lots of other rules and restrictions in our brain about this simple subject. Should I explain my feeling, my beliefs and my status regarding sex to my foreign boyfriend, I would rather stay single forever.
Problem
The new version of my own law book is out now, but I'm still thinking about changing some verses cause even I can not explain and support my own rules. I'm completely confused. What should be my strategy? What is right, and what is wrong? I'm 25, and I still don't know which side I'm in. This is sad.
Solution
It seems that I should give up on my unsupported opinion, and confess that I fought for something that now turns to be a disease instead of a valuable belief. It's a pain.
posted by Kimia @ 7:35 PM
7 Comments:
At 9:52 PM,
jarvenpa said…
Kimia, I am ignorant of your precise cultural and religious laws and customs and so on regarding sexuality and relationships between men and women, but as an older woman of the US, not raised with any really heavy specific strictures, I can say that at 25 I wasn't really sure of what was right either. And I watch my daughter work out her thoughts and actions, and am sometimes surprised and sometimes worried.
In the US it is not currently fashionable to say this, but I think that sex is a very complicated subject. And for me, all those complex feelings of love, romantic attachment, surrender, retaining one's individuality--these were there, strongly. I was of the generation that was supposed to take everything very lightly ("free love!"). I never could (and am glad I couldn't). And (not fashionable!!) I think perhaps guys have a different take on all this--especially young men.
How to be careful of one's heart, soul, and body--and still have fun? Big question.
At 10:53 PM,
Spyder said…
A guys persective, if I may. At 25 I too was more than I bit confused. Unfortunatly it didnt stop me from "acting without thinking". Reguardless of race, religion, or history 25 is a life marker. No one else will admit it but its when men have there first "life crisis".
Talk to your boyfriend especially if he is unfamiliar with your laws.
At 4:27 PM,
Dr O2 said…
Kimi it is such a major topic this & although many talk of it as resolved subject; well it actually is not. many girls do as they wish but later on, it is still important for Iranian guys to marry a you know, wrong or right. Guess this has partially grown into us & there is always this guilt running through us... Anyways never be ahsmed of your openions & expressing them to the person you like as this is a test as well to C if he is the right guy or not in a way...
At 11:02 PM,
Big Ben said…
I am torn on this subject. I am often disgusted to hear of a female with 20 sexual partners, but I often feel like I could have sex with any girty whore with tight pants.
Luckily I am in a good relationship.
At 1:42 PM,
Hydra said…
It's not a sex related problem. This could happen to anyone, with respect to any kind of value.
I think we all constantly need to reevaluate our norms and values. New situation demand new solutions and ideologies. I don't say that we have to be instable and change all the time, but flexibility is the key here.
What you are going through is very normal, I think. And being as young or old as you are, should not be a factor. People can change drastically in their mid-life, depending on their life experience.
At 6:00 PM,
Kimia said…
Dear Jarvenpa, your last sentence is a brilliant summery of my post. I’m satisfied with my beliefs, but the problem is that I see a big difference between me and other people in my age. I have no place between them; it's like that I came from another planet. They are much stronger and more clear about this subject than me.
Spyder, I haven't got a foreign boyfriend yet; I probably never go through this, because I have problems with the first step which is the definition of boyfriend. There is such a big difference between here and Iran in this definition at least for me.
Hey Doc, I see no guilt on boys, and if I had a brother, I wouldn't be glad, if he was open- minded in this regard. I don't know how to say, but here is different. I can say that 70% of the girls in Iran that they do as they wish have definitely no good family structure and thinking brain. However, I would not say this to the girls here, maybe 5%.
Hello Big ben, Thanks for visiting my blog. I guess the question is about having or not having sex partner; having 2 or 20 will be in the next stage . However, regarding to your comment, I think I’ll be disgusted to hear about a man having 20 sex partners too.
Hydra, that’s exactly true. Let me give a simple example. Here, if you stand up when a professor come to the class, he thinks that you have something to tell him, he comes to you asks what it is. Or in Sweden it didn’t matter, if you ate an apple noisily in class. Everybody did. I agree with you in changing and reevaluating our norms for better in new situation, but sometime it’s hard for me because I don’t think that it’s a change into better but it is a change for more comfort and resemblance in new situation.
At 10:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kimia , u sounds like a host of forum
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