Look what I have

The night before presentation, I was so terrified. The power point file was not working properly and I couldn't fix it. I had extremely lost my confidence and totally freaked out. I was not fluent talking about result part and it was 1 O'clock morning. Nothing could help me but the warm voice of a friend on the other end of the line, fixing my power point file patiently and reminding me some points, that I shouldn't have forgotten, to release my stress.


Tara gave me a nice gift :D I wished I had a graduation party with dress and hat but there will not be anything like that. At least, I have a gift that gives me the feeling of graduation. She is very kind. There are not so many people who can think of what makes other people happy.
In the presentation, there were lots of my friends but Reza Shahidi showed up which I didn't expect and it was sweet.
Magic is running around me; Have I asked from God? :D

Done

I am done and It was great. I am very proud and satisfied. Thanks for all your prayers; I believe they worked for me.
I didn't forget any point and I was quite fluent, but a little nervous. I could hear my voice shaking but I tried to look happy. My supervisor didn't interrupt at all and at the end there were no tough questions and for those few questions he came to help me to answer. He was totally supportive.
He and Bob (my future PhD supervisor) gave me lots of compliments and they said that they are happy that I have decided to stay here to work with them. I did not mention that I haven't yet decided and I more like to find a job rather than PhD. I only smiled.
Anyways, I appreciate your wishes and positive energy.
I feel light
I feel free
I feel healthy
I am happy

Presentation, my both crucifixion and freedom day

Finally, I am going to present my thesis on Tuesday next week at 10 O'clock morning, Newfoundland time. 6 hours difference with Tehran and 4:30 hours with Europe. I give these information for those who care and want to send me energy exactly at the time I am on the cross.
How should I dress up? Should I buy something for refreshment? I wish to blink an eye and suddenly it will be Wednesday. Ok, I know I am making a big deal of a half an hour presentation.

I want my parents and sister here for my presentation.

This commenting system is kind of stupid. I received a notifying email containing a comment on my blog. From the context I could not guess this comment is about which post, and it wasn't noted in the Email. Well, I found it on my first post after an hour searching; I am happy that my blog is a young one otherwise…? I would miss a comment ;)

When a girl is single, she should take so care of her behavior with boys. Whatever she says or does has no meaning but that she is interested in the guy. Never receive a guy who you are sure that he is not in your dreams of future, because how could they guess whether you are interested or not if you are good with them?? They have the right to think in any way. I want to get married because after that I can communicate with guys easier without getting scared of their thoughts. I like my boy friends more than girl friends. They are less complicated and straighter forward.

Conditioned Kimi

Last night, I had a severe headache. Sometimes, I act very weak against any pain and I lose my patience and start to drop balls of tears, walking around the room, groaning and wriggling in pain. No way I can lie down and wait patiently until the medicine releases the pain. I used to awake my mum when the pain came to me in the middle of the night; she knew how to cure me. The most effective way was when she was caressing my forehead and saying prayers. Last night, I only did the prayer part. Sometimes, I am strong; no pain can make me miserable.

I thought of something last night. I used to recall my ex-boyfriend every time I see a perfect scene, a sweet smell, a sky full of stars or a complete moon, sunrise and sundown, a love song or any beauty. Now, I wept and had headache so much because of him that last night in the middle of the pain I recalled him. I am conditioned to pain as a reminder of him. God never make me a reminder of pain to anybody.

My cooking feats:

Today I cooked “Aash Maash” which is a kind of soup with chickling vetch. It was gorgeous (as my landlady said). Did you know that gorgeous can be used for a food? I didn’t know; I thought it can only be used for a cute guy. Btw, can it be?

A few days back I cooked “Zereshk polo ba morgh” which is barberry with rice and chicken. I forgot to add sugar in barberry and it was so sour. I never forget again.

I finally found fresh lamb shank in supermarket for the first time so you can guess that I had a very good dish of “baghali polo and mahiche” which is Limabean and rice with lamb. I don’t know why these Canadian people don’t eat lamb.

By the way, I had a haircut. I recommend the movie “Take the lead” to those who like ballroom dancing and Antonio Banderas. I enjoyed. For those who are not familiar with me I must say I got bored seeing Lord of the Ring and Harry potter and disgusted seeing King Kong. I know I know something is wrong with me.

Old diary

Today, I had nothing to do, well, I had but I didn’t want to do. I am waiting for the response of my supervisors. I could practice my presentation and prepare my speech but I was lazy. Anyways, today is sunny and I am enjoying sun radiation on my neck and listening to my French songs which remind me nothing but my good times in Sweden and Denmark.

I have a big diary from when I was 18 and I wrote them in Persian in an editor under DOS and it was long time that I couldn’t manage to open them. The diary consists of my daily writings and also the emails I wrote to my old pen friends and the email I received from them. They are all well sorted with names but unfortunately without dates but I know that they were around a specific time when I started to be addicted to computer. Even now when I look at their names I don’t remember them unless I open and read what the letters was about.

A few days back, I saw an old friend online and I asked him if I can open those files and he gave me some suggestions; one of them worked. Now you can imagine how busy I am.

The sad thing that I noticed is that my life is repeating. I am making the same mistakes as I did when I was 20. I can exactly simulate my current friends and feelings with my old friends and feelings. I wish what happened to old ones never happen to current ones. I have to think how I can avoid.

I thought of typing my old diary gradually; I guess I have to make a Persian blog. Mm, it takes time and it is not that much valuable.

Postal Cards' result

This year I sent New Year postal card to a few friends, mostly to new friends. This was a new act from me as well; I have never done that before. Well, it was successful because my friends became happy. The interesting part was their reactions.

One didn’t pay careful attention to what I wrote, only thanked me and didn’t send anything in return.

One read carefully, sent nothing in return, warmly appreciated.

One sent me an email of 15 lines of thanks and lots of appreciations and with an overreaction of giving me thousands of compliments which I cannot answer; finally made me regretful.

One didn’t receive because of the wrong address and after we discovered that, was not eager enough to pick it up.

One got it on time; informed me that it is received, including no thanks at the beginning and sent me a card and a package immediately. The card was Thank You card not Happy New Year card and with remonstrating me because of the words I wrote on the card.

Well, people are different and they are different with different people, so it is complicated. I think the way each of them reacted is a mixture of their character, their feeling for me and the feeling they believe I have for them. Not reading what I wrote or not sending me something in return does not mean to me that they didn’t care about me sometimes it means they are sure that they don’t need to prove that they care. Jumping into a right conclusion sometimes is hard for me.

Finally I received a real Eydi this year. Ofcourse, I am so happy and will keep it long like my life. The gift is the most clichéd gift possible. A pretty pretty crystal flower with a mirror. The boxes, ribbon and pocket have the same label as the flower has. I am gonna complain why the postal card is from Hallmark and not SWAROVSKI? The gift has much value for me and this label collection does not create extra credits.

Kimi's prayers (part I)

May God damn this Orkut which keeps us updated about every thing.

God damn me that I cannot stop meddling.

God give a sight to blind people who hurt the others with no reason just because of their carelessness.

God help guys who don’t know their own taste. They love two completely opposite girls right after each other.

God set me free of the thought of revenge and lighten me with forgiveness.

God present my thesis instead of me.

God do magic for me.

Thank God for the creation of me the way I am. Free of any coquetry, no matter who likes who does not.

Thank God for the creation of Love. Even the dream of having it is sweet.