Shall we speak out everytime we feel something?

There was a guy back home; he was my first crush when I entered to school. We never spoke with each other those days and even I never managed to look at his face to see how he looks like. The only things I noticed about him were that he has a white skin; I thought he is blond, but my classmates disagreed; he is very funny; he is not a good student because he was one year upper than me but he had his Math I with us. He used to sit at the end of the class and never listen to the teacher. I start to be like him. I was sitting close to him and all my attention was focused on him and his funny comments. Then I ended up to pass Math I with 10 although I was accepted to university only by the power of my Math knowledge and score in entrance exam.
I couldn’t do any thing and I was supposed to see him with different girls every time. He turned to be a big pain for me and nothing else.
Anyways, I found out his birthday by plying a common friend with questions. I should wait about 9 months for his birthday to come, and then I had this chance to send a hello and wishes with his birthday excuse. Haha, childish dream :D During this time, it happened for me to go to a one day mountain climbing trip with a team of 15 people including him. I totally remember the sleepless night before the trip. Well, he was nice but not like the idol I’d made up in my brain. After that, we become a little friend, like sometimes we greet with each other. I become a little cold and I think he’d never noticed me.
I met another guy, 5 months before the birthday and he was really the one I was always looking for. He was smart, handsome, calm, kind and the most importantly he noticed my immediately. I start to have feelings for him but still in the same way of silence. I couldn’t express my feelings. It was so possible to lose this one as well, because I wasn’t the one who could start.
9 months passed and I was about to give the birth while I wasn’t eager for the result anymore. The only thing I wanted was that to send an email and say, hello, happy birthday, wish you the best and the only reason was the respect to that 9 months waiting.
I went to the computer lab that morning, while preparing my sentences. I opened my account and surprisingly I had an email from the new guy. Haven’t yet opened the email, my heart started to beat badly, because I had this torturing thought in the background that I’m cheating on my new feelings by paying attention to the previous dead feeling. Nothing was real; everything was in my own brain. I didn’t have relationship with none of them. What did that cheating mean?? Don’t know.
He wrote to me about his feelings, sweetest way possible on his Turkish way of talking. I gave him a mature answer which I’m still proud of even after 6 years. I left the computer lab full of joy and excitement; I totally forgot the reason I went there.
Today, I’m free again to send my wishes to the birthday boy in the anniversary of the first love letter I received. I’m happy.