Tonight, Wedding night
I'm going crazy tonight. I don't know if these days will pass without me hurting myself or curse be-hated guilty people who are laughing heartily and dancing tonight.
I can't help this governing outrage with deep internal sadness in me. No way this is a fair incident? I haven't been able to solve this dilemma after more than 6 months. The picture of them being together is modified now. It's clear; They are hardly suited; He has a fake smile. Now, after the wedding, an intimate picture of them has been added to my painful album: still unbelievable. I have never been so much dull in understanding someone's feelings, specially the one that I always thought of as my soul mate.
Same time last year I could have sworn to The Book that he would never do anything to hurt me; this year, I don't believe in any Book.
Last night, he showed up in my dream with indifferent eyes and told me it's done. I couldn't imagine him looking at me indifferently, but I saw him. He doesn't think of me. He doesn't think of me. He doesn't think of me. This is my homework tonight to write this sentence 10 pages; It helps me believe it.
I remember myself coming out of a cinema with big, red, swollen eyes and runny nose after watching the movie "Leila".
Hani said you'll be fine from on. You are disconnected from him after tonight, and here is the new life for you.
I would like to mention a quote from Nader Ebrahimi:
نفرين بی ريا ترين پيام آور درماندگيست
Curse is the most sincere messenger of helplessness.
(Other translations are appreciated)
I can't help this governing outrage with deep internal sadness in me. No way this is a fair incident? I haven't been able to solve this dilemma after more than 6 months. The picture of them being together is modified now. It's clear; They are hardly suited; He has a fake smile. Now, after the wedding, an intimate picture of them has been added to my painful album: still unbelievable. I have never been so much dull in understanding someone's feelings, specially the one that I always thought of as my soul mate.
Same time last year I could have sworn to The Book that he would never do anything to hurt me; this year, I don't believe in any Book.
Last night, he showed up in my dream with indifferent eyes and told me it's done. I couldn't imagine him looking at me indifferently, but I saw him. He doesn't think of me. He doesn't think of me. He doesn't think of me. This is my homework tonight to write this sentence 10 pages; It helps me believe it.
I remember myself coming out of a cinema with big, red, swollen eyes and runny nose after watching the movie "Leila".
Hani said you'll be fine from on. You are disconnected from him after tonight, and here is the new life for you.
I would like to mention a quote from Nader Ebrahimi:
نفرين بی ريا ترين پيام آور درماندگيست
Curse is the most sincere messenger of helplessness.
(Other translations are appreciated)
posted by Kimia @ 11:57 PM
3 Comments:
At 3:04 PM,
Dr O2 said…
well Kimia, emotions are what hurt us most. It is not easy to leave them aside or deny them but to accept them as part of our lives & get over them.
Yet agn perhaps he didn' deserve ya & will be punished over time...
Cheer up & star tthe new year with a better attitude. You'll find the better sooner or later...
Good luck & have fun.
At 2:14 PM,
Frank said…
I remember the times when I read Ebrahimis books.
To me cursing is a total helplessness when nothing works. .
At 3:56 AM,
jarvenpa said…
Ah, Kimia, this is hard. But remember, I promise still that someday you will look back on this and remember, but not feel, the pain. And that there will be someone else.
I have on my desk a holiday greeting from someone who once, I thought, was part of my very soul, with a lovely picture of his new children (second marriage, two lovely little boys).
Can I look at these pretty children wholly unmoved--no. But I am honestly glad for my friend.
Took time, though.
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