Discharging

My heart was beating like drums of mourning group for Emam hossein. I felt It might come out of my chest. I'm sure my officemate was hearing easily. It took a few seconds for me to find myself back to the situation. He wrote: alo..
Finally we talked after 5 months.
I start to belittle him so badly and he was calm like always. Weak in conversation and he backed off quickly. I love the way he is;not because I win every discussions but because after any conversation I feel empty and he is like a God for me that accepts and listens to all my accusations and bad words and he never says bad words in return. It is just like he is watching a little crying girl and after she finished shouting he starts to caressing her, and then she forgot everything in a second. He has always been like this. He knows exactly how to manipulate me.
He is my man. He made a big big mistake this time.
Although he gave me enough time to destroy him but there are a few things that I didn't mentioned.

1) I want to tell him that I did want to leave you, but you haven't been strong enough to live without me. Once in the first year, I do exactly remember that we decided to separate and after one day (1 day) you came to me and asked me to delay. You said " I'm not ready for this now ".
Next time in fourth year I gathered all my strength to leave you. Although it was so hard for me I never broke our agreement but you have been such a weak boy that you came back again.
The last time that was a good chance for me it was the worst situation for you that I didn't want to be so cruel with you. Cause I left to a new place it was easier for me to move on but you were in the same place with all the memories and alone. So I decided to keep my relationship until better chance. I don't deny that I needed you either but I had proved to be stronger than you.
So please do not say that you did this to me because you thought that I will never leave you. Look what you did to me. It could not be worst than this.

2) You didn't say Thank you to me. You owe me a lot. I carried all the burden alone, without making any sound to disturb your fatal decision. I respected you more that anybody. Go search around the world find somebody who respects you this much, and let me know if you succeed.

3) I was reading your previous writings there was a post with the name of first recalcitrance against love. Just want to mention this is your second time and I'm seeing third is coming.. Take care ..

4) I do appreciate that you came to talk to me even though you knew that you will be condemned. It proved that you have a tiny brave heart.



I loved you last night. Now I believe in myself. I know What I mean when I say I love you. This is inside and it doesn't matter if you love me or not.

PS: I said yesterday that I'm ready to sell my soul to know what he feels; do you think if the Lord has taken my soul? I want my soul back ..