Fantasy

I am planning to go to United States this summer. This is a multi purpose trip. The main purpose is to visit a potential employer, get to know him, the environment, the company and also have a formal job interview. It is both interesting and scary for me. I am not confident enough and I wish to have a strong supportive friend, who believes in me, would company me.

Although I am so excited to get this job, I know I am gonna have a hard time staying there for those few days. On the other hand, the second purpose of my trip which is to visit 4 friends keeps my heart warm. I had a fantasy of my stay with them(I still do).

I had written about my mysterious guy before. He was one of these 4 people that I wished to visit. Unfortunately, we haven't been talking much recently. I was busy, and so was he, yet I know it is not a good excuse. In fact, I feel he is not interested. Having said that although I kinda like him because he is so good looking to my eyes, I didn't put much effort to warm up the relationship. I think he is cold and it is a long way to get him on the line. Spending some time with him and getting to know him in person, trying to convince him to give me company to the state of interview, dreaming about arranging a driving trip to the destination were some parts of my US fantasy. I lost my motive and desire to prove my fantasy to be true. That doesn't mean I am upset or anything; I hardly get upset of something like this. This is life.

She is another part of my fantasy. She has been my classmate back home and I haven't seen her for almost two years. I wished I could stay with her at least for a day to say the story of the past two years that we hardly talked, to refresh the friendship. My bad luck is that she is going to another state in the other side of the country for internship. I guess I should wait some more years. I repeat that I am not upset whatsoever; I myself prayed for her to find a good internship or a job, whatever.

I still have dreams that keep me away from shortening my trip to a purely exhausting interview trip. It is a gift to have friends whose care and friendship is somehow independent to whatever you say, you do and you believe. I call it improved friendship, no misunderstanding.

I love my birthday

It was my birthday last week. I didn't want to have a party but on Tuesday I woke up and realized that I do really want a party so I invited my friends and I baked a cake and Aazi cooked Lasangia. Here it was ... It was a big party and I asked my friends to buy Dancing shoes for me all together. It was a warm party in my new place; we danced, ate, drank and had lots of fun.

I think I am doing pretty well and have somehow moved on, but still on some occasions (like birthdays) I am screwed. In the party, I was dancing all the time and I was looking at my friends and I knew they like me, yet I still felt a big hole in my heart. I was desperately searching for those big eyes looking at me offering love. I got so used to that look and now I feel empty. I missed him deeply. In fact, not him but the feeling of being loved as a woman.
I loved him because he made me feel good; now that he doesn't, I want him headless. Happy Birthday, Unfaithful.

New place

I moved to a new place. After visiting 20 places I chose one and now I don’t say I regret but still not satisfied.

Here is an apartment with three bedrooms and I share with two Canadian people: A girl almost the same age as me and a gigantic boy few years younger than me.

My bedroom is very nice; it has a big walk in closet and several drawers that I love, but the window has matte glass which I hate. It was covered by curtain when I first saw the place. The TV channels are fewer than my previous place, yet it’s not a big problem. The worst part is the bathroom. Oh god, I am so stupid with my choice. The bathroom sink has two taps. One is warm and the other is cold with two different exits. So I should burn or freeze, nothing in the middle. That really sucks. I hate all the British designers. The water pressure of the shower is low. Today, it took 15 minutes to wash my hair.

I have not yet talked that much with my roommates but I have good feelings about them. The girl is not talky which is a good point, and I saw the boy for the first time last night, and he came in and said hello and shared the most exciting event of his day with me. He didn’t even ask my name and neither did I, but still it was a warm introduction. I will write about them when I know more.

By the way, a good point of this new place is a hard double size bed. I am afraid not to be able to balance myself in single size bed later. I sure will fall down.