New Chapter

I recently read the book "Who Moved My Cheese" again. It is amazing how you can generalize this story to so many different things.
My life has been taking sharp turns recently and I am having trouble to overcome the fear in me. I am a home owner now with a big project in my hand. I have lost two of my best friends to migration. My parents are moving here to live close to me. My dad and I will be co-workers. I don't know if I love my job or the pay.

I have started riding on a spiritual roller coaster since January and it has changed my life and views in so many levels. Many of my desires that made sense last year, do not make sense anymore. My desires have changed, but my mind does not allow them to come to reality because they contradict many things that I have worked for and earned. I am conscious about all the lies and miss-conceptions of the world that we are living in.  I seek and fantasize about freedom, but I don't know how to get there. My biggest bane of my life is Money. I desire to learn how to free myself from needing to have money. I want money to be eliminated of my measures of success. How can I reverse many years of training and free myself?  My love for money has propelled me to  study hard, work hard and spend less. I am successful in many ways because of my love for money. But I honesty don't know how real this is. How important or true is it to be successful with those measures?
My second bane of my life is future and what it brings. I have always benefited from planning, organization, relying on my definite resources before I step forward to do anything. It has been exhausting but successful(?) of course for the most part. but is it really necessary?  Do I really have to live my life planing for the future or just living it in the moment and embracing whatever today brings to the table. Why can I not do that? why do I need to be certain of every decision I make and every step I take? why do I constantly optimize everything. I would like to let go and just do anything that pleases me this day.  My experience and all the life stories that I have heard prove that nothing stays the same for a long while and you can't count on anything. You can get hit by a car or win the lottery. You can find true love and lose it shortly after. You can be the richest person and all of a sudden lose everything. why do I look for certainty when there is no certainty in anything?

Enghelab

Enghelab

شرمسارم که در کنارت نیستم تا در پشت بام فریاد بزنم. قلبم با توست و دعایم برای توست. نامه ات را به گوش همه میرساتم.

Pulp-Fiction

I think he is an absolute genius.

Pensacola Beach

Last weekend I went to Pensacola beach which is about 4 hours away from here. The weather was gorgeous and the sea was blue like his eyes when he has a blue shirt on. It was an amazing trip, very relaxing and beautiful but lonely although I wasn't alone. How is that possible?

My weakness against beautiful face and body will finally put me in a big trouble. I lose my mind sometimes. I know that I should stay away from any beautiful person.

I have the most delicious Ash Mash for dinner tonight. It's a big pot; what am I gonna do with that?

VCS

I am not a Chemical engineer but I managed to prepare a Vapor Control System calculation report for one of our barges. I was very happy yesterday that I couldn't help smiling in my stomach when I read an Email from US coast guard that my report looks good. the funny thing is that I still don't know how a vapor control system works. I think Frank was proud of me.

:D

Reyhan

I went to Chinese store today and I bought some vegetables that I don't usually see in supermarkets. I bought a bunch of sweet basil and I got all so excited that I would go and buy one of those small BBQ pots and make a real good Kabab Koobideh and have it with my sweet basil.

I don't want to live alone. I don't want to cook for myself and be the only one who enjoys the dish. I hate that nobody in my surrounding could understand me, my food, my enjoyable activities. I want a partner. I want a partner. I have so much energy, life and love that makes me do anything. There is nobody around who can take advantage of me.

I am exhausted. I don't know if I can stand this situation. This is hard I am not kidding. Those who left Iran but always lived in the city with minimum number of Iranians, please don't try to sympathize. You have no clue. I want a friend.

I miss being loved

How do we know if two people like each other?

They give each other compliments physically and characteristically

They give each other confidence

They repeat what they like about one another.

They enjoy spending time together

They think of the ways that can make the other happy or surprised

They are interested to know about what their partner does and has done.

They want to know about each other’s thoughts and daily stuff.

They are willing to give any services they can.

They think their partner’s problems are theirs also.

They are searching for the activities that they can do together

They try to make the life easier for each other.

They never do anything to hurt each other intentionally

They prefer to do the hard job themselves than their partner.

They are willing to spend money for each other.

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Other codes are appreciated.

Family

How sweet is being with family, I never knew. We had a pretty good family get to gathering consist of three of my mom’s cousins and their family, my parents, my aunt and her husband and more importantly my own cousin who I hadn’t seen her for about 6 years.

I love my friends and I always enjoy being with them but spending time with family is absolutely different. The feeling of being safe and loved is so strong that nothing could ever make you upset or uncomfortable.

It was my first time I saw my mom’s cousin but they looked and behaved exactly like my other uncles and I knew how they were feeling when they hugged and kissed me every hour or so with no occasion. I had the same feeling. It doesn’t matter that we never knew each other. They were so familiar. I wonder how they can be so alike with my other uncles in Iran although they have been apart for almost 30 years. I think there must be something in their blood.

Florida is a beautiful state which could be my next destination if it wasn’t Washington.

The weather was gorgeous but off course it is spring. There is a number of Iranian over there which is another good point. I think I wish to live in between an Iranian community.

Iranian Teacher XP

Take a look at Frank's posts regarding teacher's strike in Iran. People are so angry and upset in Iran while here my biggest problem is that I am bored on weekends.
I went crazy today.

Deaf to evil’s ears

I have been very happy recently. I was disconnected to people who purposelessly used to bring me down and I am starting to communicate more with pleasant people who make me laugh.

I moved to the new apartment and it’s very exciting for me to prepare my own home for living. I am buying furniture and everything. I didn’t know that a small apartment would need so many things in order to be ready to live in.

It’s a very small and almost old apartment but it’s clean and would make a comfortable but not a perfect home. I’ll post some pictures when it’s ready.

Two of my friends are coming down to visit me and each others. Their bad luck is an empty home. But I am sure it’s gonna be fun.

My parents are in their ways; they are gonna be here in two weeks and this intensifies my happiness.

I have no wish at this time.