Helpless

I still love him; I can't deny it; I can't help it; I think about him everyday even more than the time that I was sure of his love; His picture is the first image in front of my eyes in the morning when I haven't opened them and the last person I thought about after I close my eyes at night. I feel every cell of my body is screaming out his name every time I come back to myself. I can't run away from this shout. He is the one that I always remember once I see a perfect scene, feel a sweet smell, have a nice day, listen to a soft song. I'm living with him, I have been living with him since I know myself as what I am now. I didn't know that this gonna change ever. He hurt me so badly but why I can't move on? I need to face the reality but how? Can I change everything? I still have the clothes that I bought wishing him to like them but I didn't even find a chance to show him. I still have everything he bought for me. Ok you are right I can get rid of them but what about my memories? I didn't know that my life is this much sewn to his life. I didn't know that my feelings for him is such deep. Now that I feel pain everywhere I understand a lot of things. I can't figure out what just happened?
I'm sitting here seeing he is online and his webcam is on, I know he is chatting with her. I can guess what he is saying I know all his words by heart. I wish he doesn't use our own symbols, I made them myself. He doesn't have the right. His status is changing often with the name of the song he is listening, and poor Kimi, she is searching on net to see what is his feeling at this time.
mostly love songs..
Once you realize that there is nobody out there anymore who loves you as a woman, it hurts. When you see your love is loving someone else it feels like hell. There is nothing worst. Believe me .. I'm so helpless